My only regret is not doing it sooner

and not beating the shit out of him.

Whilst I don’t care about my ex, nor do I love him anymore, I still feel jealousy to an extent. 

He used to tell me that these really beautiful girls would always be messaging him and trying to get him to sleep with them, he always said he never encouraged it. But as it turns out none of it ever happened.

But I just feel sick thinking he purposefully singled out these girls that are more attractive than me, just to induce jealousy. 

For some reason whenever they pop up on my newsfeed i get really depressed about myself, particularly my appearance.

F never gives me any reason for doubt and i wish he’d stayed just another hour this morning so I wouldn’t feel like this.

Sigh.

Today I went over to F’s house because he was in need of a study break and a snuggle.

After an hour of light kissing he asked if I would go down on him, I used to hate giving head but for him it’s a fucking delight. I love watching him writhe and I love the feeling of his hand gently placed at the back of my head, pushing me closer to him. 

As my time of month was finishing up I was so ridiculously turned on, and he got me off through my underwear whilst sucking on my nipples. I came within a minute. He held me close afterwards and commented on how fast I came, he thought it was really hot. 

It’s nice to feel desired, I’m so used to feeling like my other half has settled for me whereas F seems as though he really enjoys being with me. I’ve always wanted that sort of sincerity.

Sex used to be such an uncomfortable thing for me, I dreaded the mess afterwards, the possibility of UTIs or unwanted pregnancy.

Since being with F I realised a lot of things, sex shouldn’t be continuously uncomfortable. With my ex it was. He never made sure I was wet enough, and because he tended to hold off cumming, I would endure very long sessions without enough lubrication.

Personal hygiene was an issue for him, and I didn’t realise this until I started sleeping with F, because on several occasions I forgot to go to the bathroom after sex and I didn’t get a UTI. With my ex (S) I always got one if I forgot to go to the bathroom. For six months I was in continuous pain, because he didn’t shower regularly.

Nowadays I love how healthy and lovely F is, I love nuzzling into him and smelling clean skin. I love that when we have sex it doesn’t hurt, and he ensures I’m enjoying it as much as him.

A relationship isn’t a consent blanket, S coaxed me into doing a lot of things I didn’t want to do. I feel a lot of shame for what I agreed to, because I didn’t enjoy it, and I didn’t want to do it.

I love that F always pauses if he has even the slightest doubt that I’m not enjoying it.

Believe me, I enjoy it. But coming out of an abusive relationship into one that is healthy and functions well, is a huge shock. The difference is astounding. The treatment I endured and deemed normal is unbelievable.

I want to discuss this further in posts, I worry a lot of girls are experiencing what I did. I wish I had someone tell me that my former relationship was unhealthy and abusive, because I was so in love I was blind to the truth.

All I can say is that I’m in a better place, and F has done a lot of good for me. I love him dearly.

You know I actually thought about how you and your partner hadn’t said it after 7 months, and I thought maybe I should wait a while before saying it.

But I blurted it out without intending to, and I think you should too if you haven’t already.

I just got my time of the month, but as a result of F and I confiding how much we loved each other, the sex leading up to this sad day has been frequent and incredible. 

Even if it’s slow and muffled he’s the best I’ve ever had.

He’s not selfish, and he knows what he’s doing.

F makes me cum from penetration alone, and I’ve never had that before. It’s amazing and so different to what I’m used to.

I’ve really gone off being treated like shit during sex, because my ex routinely took it out of the bedroom. So it’s really something else to be fucked nicely for once. 

I told him I love him the other day.

My potential new employer called and said he loved my resume and for me to come in and i was so happy I just hugged F and blurted out ‘I love you’. He said it back without hesitating and we kissed for minutes on end.

He’s just uGH the best, and I need someone like him.

Sorry for the lack of posts, but I’ve been spending a lot of time with F and we haven’t had a lot of sex so there’s not much to report in that area.

But things are going well and I’m incredibly happy.

Last night I closed my eyes when he kissed me, for a while I’ve been keeping them partially open as if to check on him. 

It had been a week or so since I’d had the confidence to take my clothes off in front of him, but he was so lovely, I wanted him and I wanted to make him happy. 

He slid his hand between my thighs and made me wet, I grinded up against him as if to say ‘have me already.’ But he knows, I have to wait in order for it to be good. Eventually he shifts his body so that his cock is rubbing up against me. It takes a while to find a position that works as I’m a good head shorter than him and we’re still adjusting. 

I had missed him, and I realised he had missed me too. He climbed on top and thrusted so quickly I had never felt anything like it before. Like I was going to cum if he kept it up. I don’t know if it was my clit coming into contact with his every thrust but it felt amazing. 

I begged him not to stop and he sadly slowed down not long after, we were growing tired and I thought all hope was gone but eventually he picked up the pace again and had me writhing under his every jolt.

Then I felt that heightening of pleasure, the growing bubble of energy just waiting to burst and roll over, and I clenched every muscle and gave into him and we came in sync but I had no idea as my moans drowned out his.

It was so wonderful.

But the conversations that followed were not.

Things have been sorted though, and I look forward to only happy moments from now on. As he is really something else. I adore him.